Monday, November 28, 2011

Damage

Man where do I even start. I met some really great people and lost some. I wish there was a way to right my wrongs. I wish my head wasn't so blah. I remember when my sister nikkie told me there's two things that ruin you. Boys and you now at first I ignored it simply because I didn't know what he he'll she was talking about. The first time I cried over a guy I had to rebuild myself. I changed completely my attitude my appearance my everything I stopped caring period. I lost most my friends over the stupid shit that I used to laugh at. I thought it was just me being grown just me being mature. But it wasn't till a lil after summer vacation I realized what my sister had meant. Boyfriends ruin you and the wrong answers ruin you. I caused damage to myself and to others around me. I do regret some of my decisions with that being said I do not regret the decisions that made me glow. I don't regret some of the people I met I can't fight the person that I've grown into. I'm not grown but am, I know most people think that its either you're grown or you're not. I am because I'm not like the rest of the people I'm around but I'm not because I still do the childish things that a man shouldn't be doing. I guess the only way to be grown is to learn from my mistakes and be a responsible responsive thinker. I know I screwed up and caused damage in other's lives and I'm sorry. I'm only human a baby in adulthood at that I just try to be me without corrupting myself any further its not easy. I guess when somebody damages you a respond by damaging others. But like everything in the world there's a dark side a silver lining and a bright side. Like every forest when fire has destroyed everything there's always new life stronger brighter more beautiful life waiting ready to spring into the world.

posted from Bloggeroid

Friday, November 11, 2011

Term 1 prt. 1

You know when I came to my junior year at Kennedy I constantly thought "this year's gonna rock." I was so pumped I was gonna get to see all my best friends I was getting ready to start cheerleading nothing could bring me down. I was too excited I had new teachers and everything.
The second day of school I got my first assignment from all my teachers. I enjoyed all my teachers they seemed to be extremely impressed with my intelligence. I repeated to myself that I was going be a high grade student this year.
But then things fell apart before the first month of the trimester ended. My coolest cousin Drake Brown killed himself August 28. When I first found out it didn't hit me as hard I needed to be strong for everyone else. But then Monday I went school and saw the faces of all those who meant so much to Drake. Then it hit hard I burst in tears and fell to my knees. I couldn't believe he was truly gone forever.
During first hour I couldn't focus on anything the constantly thought about Drake. Announcements came on and they announced Drake's death. I ran out of class to my groups spot and sat down and cried my best friend kaylyn hugged me and i could tell she was crying and I cried harder. Cole and davon came over and hugged me still I cried I cried in the arms of those who cared about me.

posted from Bloggeroid

Term 1 prt. 1

You know when I came to my junior year at Kennedy I constantly thought "this year's gonna rock." I was so pumped I was gonna get to see all my best friends I was getting ready to start cheerleading nothing could bring me down. I was too excited I had new teachers and everything.
The second day of school I got my first assignment from all my teachers. I enjoyed all my teachers they seemed to be extremely impressed with my intelligence. I repeated to myself that I was going be a high grade student this year.
But then things fell apart before the first month of the trimester ended. My coolest cousin Drake Brown killed himself August 28. When I first found out it didn't hit me as hard I needed to be strong for everyone else. But then Monday I went school and saw the faces of all those who meant so much to Drake. Then it hit hard I burst in tears and fell to my knees. I couldn't believe he was truly gone forever.
During first hour I couldn't focus on anything the constantly thought about Drake. Announcements came on and they announced Drake's death. I ran out of class to my groups spot and sat down and cried my best friend kaylyn hugged me and i could tell she was crying and I cried harder. Cole and davon came over and hugged me still I cried I cried in the arms of those who cared about me.

posted from Bloggeroid

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Ch1-Adrenaline
Another day I'm woken up to the sounds of screams of agony, terror and sorrow. Erick watching guard, the look in his eyes was signs of his psychosis slowly taking over him. The grip he had on his sword was deathly and tightens with every second that passed. I slowly I rose to my feet, stretching every muscle in my body. I looked to my left and saw my weapons B.S and L.S (big spear and little spear) broken. To my right was my best friend Ty sleeping soundly, but it was like a touch of nightmares. Ty's whole family had been slaughtered by the flesh gulfers, a.k.a zombies. His mom, dad, brother, sister, even his girl friend mauled like sick animals unmercifully. The damage that the flesh gulfers have caused is worldly.

I sat back down from the light feeling in my head, inhaling the disgusting air, and let out a small remorse growl.

"Erick bro come sleep, you've got to be exhausted it's quiet today…well quieter than usual I'm pretty sure they don't know where we are."

I whispered this to him, but it was as if my words didn't even pierce his ears. He stood there watching motionless, like he was waiting for them. I started over back to my pallet when a familiar scent came to across my nose. The smell of molted flesh, dry blood, and innocent deaths the flesh gulfers were near and were closing in. I rushed over to Ty to wake him before Erick caught on and woke everyone with his war cry. I shook Ty rapidly trying to wake him, when he woke he had a strange, confused, and tired look on his face.

"Get up we're leaving now…….lets go now, come on dude."

I rushed relentlessly until he was on his feet grabbing his bow and arrows. Erick's had already become enraged attempting to wait for the onslaught that was slowly, but rapidly approached us.

"Erick" my hand slowly and softly touched his shoulder,

"We need to go now there's too many I'm not letting you stay here just to become breakfast for flesh gulfers." Immediately he calmed down and turned to me the look in his eyes showed he was reverting back to his normal self. "Dom what's going on man are they here fill me in dude."

Ty stood there waiting for my explanation,

"They're not far from here, but we still have time to go so let's go."

We turned southwest and began walking sadly we didn't make it far without noticing we were walking right in their trap.

"Ah……..are you serious how did this happen!! When did these things get smart?"

"Quiet! I can hear them"

Moments later they were swarming everywhere circling us. Their mouths dripped with blood and drool, the little clothing they had on was torn, they drug their feet closing in on us. Erick began swinging his sword hitting at least seven at a time; while I stood back protecting Ty I couldn't engage in combat without unleashing full potential.

"Yo man what are gunna do they're all over the place?"

Ty truly confused about our situation backing up against a tree that we found what looked to refuge.

"Man I don't know what to tell you I…..I……"

Instantly my ears caught the sound of him gasping for air as if he was being strangled, quickly I turned around and saw my best friend, the person I considered my brother, was being drug up the tree by the flesh gulfers his bow on the ground and his arrows out of his reach. I could feel it inside the enraged animal inside of me. I had to make a decision to weather or not to show Ty bestial side of me or to find another way to free him. Time's running out and I'm running out of options. I let it go, I ran towards Ty as the painful transformation began the time was now he would see my ultimate weapon. I could feel every inch of my body transforming either in a bodily change or it just being prepared for extended abilities. The pain was almost over-whelming it had been years since my last transformation. I closed my eyes and let out the biggest scream I possibly could. I was no longer in control of my action and just barley my emotions, but I could see everything I was doing.

My nails were long and razor sharp, they were shaded the deep penetrating black, my eyes black with a red center which had given me sight beyond imagination, my teeth were no longer those of a human they were like canine. I could feel my body jump toward the tree half a mile away. Only reaching the mid section of the tree my claws held me there with a pull from my arms and a push from my legs I reached the flesh gulfers. I tore them limb from limb they attempted to bite me, but their teeth couldn't penetrate my skin it was hard as diamonds. My main mission at that point of time was to save Ty and that I did.

Looking around I saw him just barley hanging on to a branch a few stories below me I leaped toward him reaching only to see that he had lost grip. I followed him and acrobatically slicing some branches out of my way I grabbed him. He grabbed hold of my arm as if he were going to die right then and there and maneuvered himself on top of my back and held my torso. Landing where Erick was I cleared the area only leaving dust in the air, a crater the size of a SUV, and Erick soaring in the air. Erick with tremendous strength through his weapon into the ground where the remaining of the flesh gulfers, I ran out of the way to prevent any further damage that could've possibly been done to Ty and myself. But before I could get out of range I was hit with the shock wave coming from the impact Erick's weapon had made. I could feel Ty grasping my fur tightly I could smell his fear. I could only think of Ty's safety it was the only thing that mattered to me, my body had began to react to my surroundings. Within seconds my claws had bolted into the ground to slow the speed of my reckless flying, my body had twisted itself into a position where I could catch myself without harming Ty. My hands and feet were then solidly planted on the ground with both sets of claws in the ground to bring me to a complete stop. Taking a second to figure out what the hell had just happened I could sense all life around me Ty was still alive and with no surprise so was Erick. My only thought swimming through my head "damn I love these two." Erick picked up his sword wiped off any thing that had given it any flaws in appearance and began walking towards me like nothing happened. Ty hopped off my back and began to examine me closely as if he were confused to who I was I couldn't talk so telling him it was me was out of the question. Slowly he began to back away the fears in his eyes was unbearable. The only thing I could do was scream in my head was

"Tyler it is ME!!!!!!!!!!"

I did just that the only thing that came out were small cries that a puppy would make when crying for its mother. He stopped, squinted, and finally his jaw dropped.

"D……D…..Dom is that you?"

"But how, when, really"

Confused he'd ever get as far as I knew he stood there in shock and amazement. Slowly I began to transform back to my normal appearance. From the nails, teeth, and body going back what a human's body "should" look like. I had been almost normal except my clothes had been ripped to shreds in the mist of me transforming.

"OH what the hell dude cover up?"

Looking down at my bare body I deemed it necessary to get new articles of clothing…..plus I was cold.

"Toss me the bag would cha?"

Erick wanting to agitate me obviously threw the bag at my face knowing my reflexes were about dead. Pulling the clothes out of the bag I cursed him.

"God damn you Erick YOU PLAY TOO MUCH!!!!!!!!!"

"Whoa your teeth are flashing chill out dude."

I turned away and pouted and with the clothes in my arms I walked over behind the tree to put on the clothes.

"I don't see why you have to mess with me al the time Erick it's like suicide."

Staring deep into my eyes as if he was in a deep thinking, maybe he was just trying to poop.

"Because it's fun and there's nothing better to calm ya down after a fight like that then to pick someone smaller then you."

The devious smile on his face made me want to curb stomp him. I couldn't stand the way he teased me.


 


Ch2-Tolerant: I was still sore from the agonizing transformation in the last battle. I glanced at Ty; his face had been flushed and covered in sweat. He was thinking about his family what it would be like to be with them right now. I felt bad for him I at least had my distant not so wanted brother. Though I still felt his pain I had lost my mom, sister, older brother, aunt, uncle, and all four of my cousins. I thank god that my grandparents didn't have the same fate as they did.

My fiancé I had no idea were he was, but I knew he was still alive I could still feel his energy from time to time it would go from weak to incredibly strong I missed him. He had gone to Texas to finish his training, Texas was the first to get hit by the virus: it was where the virus originated from, but I knew he was still alive he was only in National Guard they weren't doing any heavy duty stuff.

"Ty are you okay man?"

Quickly he wiped the tears from his eyes and faced me.

"Yeah I'm fine just doin a lil thinking that's all."

I wanted the truth from him I wanted him to confide in me. I wanted to break the emotional barrier he put around himself.

"Ty….I know you're hurting and its okay to let out a little emotion…its fine for a man to cry."

He looked at me and I could tell that he was trying not to cry.

"Tyler look at me you are not alone bro you're far from it okay?"

Suddenly the tears started streaming from not his face, but mine I felt so much care, anger, and hurt in my heart.

"Dom I…..I……"

"Ty bro I love you man, but you have to understand you're not the only person who's lost something or someone."

As I stood there talking to him I could sense the emotional wall coming down. He was about to break I would finally get my brother back.

"Hey you guys smell that?"

We ignored Erick and continued to have our discussion. I could see Ty's eyes watering. Like the Niagara Falls the tears fell from his eyes and he began to cry. I gave him a hug laying his head on my shoulders letting him know that I was going to be there for him.

"God I miss them so much, bro you just don't know."

"They were just snatched from under me, snatched from my life."

"They're gone forever."

Instantly I cupped his face into my hands and looked him in his brown and red eyes.

"They're gone physically, but they're not gone from your heart they will always be there."

"I know its hard grasp now and it's going to be for a while."

"Them being in your heart is what gives you the strength and power you possess, if they were here to see the strong person, the strong young man you are now they would be so proud……."

A rotting smell hit my nose, but it wasn't flesh gulfers. The smell was twisted like nothing human. My instincts were telling me to follow the smell, however common sense told me to steer my family in a different direction.

"What do you want to do dude?"

I stood there like I was literally fighting my body I was trying not to follow the scent.

"DOM……DOM….....DOM!"

"Huh….oh yeah lets head toward Lindale we're running low on equipment."

I felt bad I mean really go to Lindale for supplies I could've at least said Wal-Mart.

We began to head toward Lindale for supplies. I couldn't stop thinking about that scent that I caught. Obviously it was pretty bad if even Erick with no heightened senses what so ever could catch it. Something was telling me to tell them the truth to let them know we could possibly be in danger. If we would've went toward the direction that the scent was coming from then we probably would've been destroyed by whatever was going to approach us. I wouldn't be able to transform let alone fight, my body hasn't recovered from the last transformation. Erick wouldn't last by himself his berserker would take over within ten minutes of battling the mystery foe. I'm not sure about Ty there's something about him that becoming increasingly strong each day. He's an archer and he'd dead on his own. No I just can't risk it; I don't want to lose the only family I have left.

I looked up at the sky after contemplating on if I should tell them what was really going on. The sky was no longer a dead blue, but a drowsy red. Nightfall was coming and we needed to set up camp.

"Guys stop we need to set up camp."

"It's a little early for that isn't it?"

Erick stood there expecting an answer while I stood there thinking about his question. My mind had been so caught up in thoughts that I hadn't realized I was stopping us slightly early.

"We're like four and a half miles from Lindale I think we should keep going and sleep there."

Ty looked at Erick as if he had brought up a short flashback. He shook his head and set his equipment down as if he were ready to set up camp.

"Dude, are you nuts?!"

"That's basically trapping us if the flesh gulfers were to come searching through there for food it'd be hell to get out and away from that area. We're setting up camp."

Erick wanted to keep going, but he didn't understand that I wasn't going to let him go on his own nor was I going endanger Ty nor myself.

"Come on bro we're going to need your help putting the stuff in the tree."

"Tree what do you mean by that?"

"So we're not venerable to the flesh gulfers we're setting camp up in a tree."

He scratched his head like I just spoke to him in another language, but I knew he understood.

"As smart as it sounds to set up camp in a tree, however how are we getting up there along with our stuff?"

"Um we could either use your sword to make large enough dents in the tree so we can climb up the tree, or I could take our stuff arm full by arm full and jump up there your pick."

Erick looked at Ty, looked at me, then his sword.

"Ty what do you think?"

Without a second thought Ty answered.

"So the flesh gulfers are less likely to attack us Dom should jump up there."

A smile attempted to make its way across my face, but I shook out of it, and began to concentrate on the beast within. I had to think about the muscles that were used by the beast during the last battle, the muscles that it used when it leaped toward the tree. That moment I could feel the energy surging through my legs I feel my legs swelling with muscle.

"Alright Ty you have to come up here first so things get set up as they're brought up here."

Though Ty was taller than me he managed to jump on my back, when he was securely on my back I squatted. I could feel the energy build up, with a push of my legs I sped upward toward the first tree branch. Not only could I leap through the air, but I could navigate where I was going in mid-air. After reaching the first branch I noticed we were a ways from ground. I leaped once more to the second, and then the third. I figured we'd be high enough.

"Dude can you get down from here, or do we need to go down a level?"

I looked at him I could feel the beast's craving for control. I looked at him and laughed.

"You're joking right?"

I didn't mean to laugh and I knew he could sense the attitude, but the beast's characteristics were so strong it was almost impossible for me to fight them.

"I'll be back sorry about that."

I leaped off the branch as if I were cliff diving. My body began moving into a position to create air pockets to slow the fall. I could feel the wind hugging my body like an infant hugs it mother. I felt great no I felt more than great I felt alive. Half way through the trip I curled into feeble position. I began to flip forward; I could sense that I was getting close to my desired branch. I sprang out of feeble position and split the air itself as I came in for my landing. I opened my hands as I reached for the designated branch. As I caught hold of the branch I used it as a balance bar as I once did when gymnastics were a part of my life, before the flesh gulfers walked our land once more.

I grabbed the rest of our equipment with two armfuls Erick hopped on my back. By nightfall when the sky had turned a penetrating purple you could tell we were in one of our darkest eras.

"Alright guys while were up I have something to tell you guys."

I figured telling them the truth would break the awkward silence.

"What's up bro?"

I was hesitant on telling them, but I knew it was now or never…or whenever one of them figured it out.

"We're not low on equipment I just led us away from the direction that we were originally going because the scent that came across Erick and I…it was so strong like it wasn't anything human nothing of the flesh gulfers."

They gazed and glared as I attempted to explain to them why we were heading towards Lindale.

"So you took us in the wrong direction because you were scared?"

"NO! I did it because we would've been slaughtered like everyone else on this damn planet…Ty you're an archer hell you're best archer I've ever met, however these things in case you haven't noticed are a lot smarter then they're given credit for…"

"I don't care how smart they are!"

"You don't understand I don't want you to die, I don't want either of you to die…look at Erick, he knows that he wouldn't make it far without us because he's a berserker."

"What does that have to do with me?"

"Look you have something incredible growing in you with each passing day…when I said that we're your family that also meant that I won't take any risk of losing you."

"Look I'm stronger then I look and I don't appreciate you not giving me enough credit to know that I can handle myself."

"I don't doubt for a second that you could."

"I mean I was pretty much kicking ass and taking names before you guys found me."

"EXCUSE ME…. When we found you, you were cornered by flesh gulfers about five seconds from becoming their midnight snack….that's another reason why I don't want to split up because I think we stronger when we're together."

"Alright you two that is enough"

We continued to argue completely disregarding Erick's request. The yelling continued to rise louder than the desired level. It went from shouting to screaming, but it was silenced immediately by Erick slamming the flat side of his sword into the floor of the trunk. He stood up as did we; there was long hard cutting silence it was like we were listening for scouts.

"Now I said that's enough, I don't want to hear another word from either of you about this subject until you can resolve this like two reasonable humans."

I saw the anger and frustration in his eyes it was almost frightening. My eyes swelled with tears and within seconds I was leaping from one high branch to the next branch.

"Let him go there's no point in trying to chase him he's got that thing inside of him with speed like that there's no way you'd catch him…if he didn't want to be caught."

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean I can't try."

"How would you make it branch to branch these things are at least a mile and a half away?"

"Like this…watch and learn."

Ty stood there for a moment. He took rope from his bag and sat down, he closed his eyes took a deep breath in, and moments later he was surrounded by energy. He exhaled and opened his eyes and stood to his feet once more. His eyes were a slick silver; you could see the flames from his eyes drip down his face as if they were tears. He drew his bow with a look on his face so intent a diamond couldn't break his concentration. Ty pulled back the string and aimed three trees ahead of me.

"Dude what are you doing, you don't have any arrows, and you wouldn't even make it that far."

Ty looked back and let go of the string. Within seconds a beam of light was shot three trees past me. I looked behind me and I could see Ty coming after me, he wasn't really in the shape of a human he looked more like a spirit. In a startled mode I stretched my leg preparing for a jump. Instead of going up I could feel my body being snatched down with something wrapped around my stomach…tight.


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

posted from Bloggeroid

Stupid People

One thing I cannot stand is stupid people. Not the kind of innocent stupid, but the kind that acts stupid for no reason. The kind of person that acts like something they're not while at the same time looking incredibly stupid. So many people are affected and attacked by the stupidity and it sad.

I know that people didn't act like this back in the day. I mean really what happen to mankind? It's like there's a virus going around affecting everyone, I honestly think that mankind is going down a drain. Most of this stupid crap occurs in America. It's no wonder countries hate us it's no wonder we have such a huge debt. Stupidity is running wild and nobody is doing a thing to stop it.

I mean honestly who wants to be around people who act like that, who act like something they're not meant to be. It's sad when you think about it the crap that the people with common sense have to put with. I know that when I have another kid I'm going to do everything in my power not let him grow up around people infected with stupidity.

Friday, October 21, 2011

Shady Talk

What is your first reaction when you hear about someone talking about you behind your back, better yet how do you feel when you find out someone's been talking about you behind your back? Does it make your blood boil does it make you want to act extremely violent? I hate it when people do that it's just immature and annoying. I just think that if people have something to say then they need to say it to your face rather than saying it behind your back.

    Obviously when you say something behind somebody's back then you're a coward. I don't understand why people have to be so beneath an immature coward to say something when that person isn't there to defend their selves. You go around town and you see it happening in so many places such as; schools, restaurants, grocery stores, and even in your own home.

    Everywhere I go in the school I go to there are so many people whispering about other people and just by the snide looks and the cruel laughs you just know that it's going to hurt whomever their conversation is about. Most jocks and some cheerleaders are vicious about who they talk about. They see it as if you're not about sports or if you're not in their clique then they will attack you verbally when you're not looking. Some of the cheerleaders are the same way if you're not pretty then they'll tear you down every chance they get.

    It may seem low to just point out the jocks and some cheerleaders, but hey it's true if you don't like the truth then stop what you're doing. Unless you're just being yourself, and no talking about people behind their back isn't apart of whom you are its just being immature, low-down, and ignorant. It's even worse when someone is talking about you and they're no better then you, and if you're that person stop while you're ahead. As a matter of fact if you talk about people behind their back period STOP IT RIGHT NOW!!!

Friday, October 14, 2011

Levels of Society

Where do you stand in society? Where do your friends stand in society? Society has tricked itself into believing that there are certain people to hang around and certain ways you "have" to act around others to fit in. Its funny because no matter how much you try not to be a part of it you're always going be on a "level of society". I didn't notice this until last year after I joined the cheerleading squad. There were a lot of people expecting me to change and become stuck-up, but I stayed the same.
I've always considered myself to be "popular" no matter how many people knew me no matter who loved or hated me. The group I hang around are the ones to be known to have a bad reputation or known to the "dirties".....now in a way I can see why we're labeled that, but still why label those who have less then us. After joing the cheerleading squad I was expected to change to hang around "popular" people. I stuck to hanging around my friends the ones everyone considered to be "dirty" or have a bad reputation. I did that because it wasn't the "popular" people encouraging me to try out for cheerleading to do the thing I love doing. It was my friends who told me "go for it!" "show em your moves!" "make us proud!" and it wasn't the "popular" people who had a heart full of pride or who rewarded me with warm loving hugs. It was my friends.
I guess cheerleaders aren't suppose to hang around the "dirties" because it makes them look bad or whatever. But I'm determined to make Kennedy not have the stuck up reputation they have. My mom once told me "it only takes one person to make a change, one person to make a spark" My old principal Dr. Plagman once told me "everywhere you go people are going to look up to you and want to follow your actions just like they did your mom" Back then I didn't listen even last year I didn't grasp what I was told the way I needed to. I guess you can say that I didn't become a member of my own group until school started once more.
Now that I walk the halls and the streets of Cedar Rapids I see how people are judged, labeled because of who they are. Things need to change, but its not...at least not yet. When people are labled it spreads like a virus some areas are harder to convince then others.
I know I make it seem like I've never label people, but I do I try not to and its something I'm going to continue working until I can look at someone without judging them without knowing them.
Quiz Yourself
  1. What's the first thing that comes to mind when you hear about someone under age drinking or doing drugs?
  2. What do you say when some who's not in your "clique" tries to sit with you or tries to talk to you?
  3. What's your opinon on those who do thing differently then you do?
  4. Do you try and meet with people who others consider "dirty"?
  5. Why do you think people are labeled the things they are?

Review your answers be honest. Help change the ways of society, don't be one of those people who think they're better then others because you have more.

Friday, October 7, 2011

Duties

My duty is to take care of the ones I love, to make sure that they're happy before I even begin to think about myself. When you think of duty you think of something that you're committed to, something you could be (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Obligated) possibly be obligated to doing.
To me there are two kinds of duty; one meaning you're committed to doing something, and the second meaning you're obligated to doing something.
Take a police officer for example, he/ she's duty is to protect and serve the U.S. Should he or she fail to do that chaos is created and stupidity runs rapid and who would we have to blame? The police force because they failed to do their job.
Now take a random student at school for example, he/she might be committed to having the best school year possible or even having better grades than they did last year. That's the duty that they are committed to if they were to fail at it then nothing bad happens maybe a little sadness will occur, but nothing big. Why? Because it was something they were committed to not obligated.
Now me I'm both obligated and committed to taking care of my son Johnah. He is my world the reason I wake every morning. He is someone I will give my life for someone I will put all my time effort and life force into. If I were to fail in raising him the correct way then I have failed his mother and myself. When I saw his face I promised myself that I would make sure he got everything I didn't yeah its just like every other dad, but I am gonna see to it he does.
I made it my duty to take care of the ones close to me the ones I love as I previously stated. Not a lot of people can put others in front of themselves the way I do.

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Follow Your Heart Listen to Your Mind prt1

What is my heart telling me right now hm.... Right now my hearts telling me things will get better if I just keep pushing forward and seeking out help. My hearts telling me I'll be ale to get rid of all these weights that are holding me down. I used to disregard the phrase listen to your heart, but when I finally started listening to my heart I found the path to my paradise. Since I was 15 years old I've been told that I had mental problems. Problems that I can't get rid of till about 3 months ago when I decided nothing was gonna stop me from living my life the way I wanted to live it, that included some disorder that a psychiatrist came up with to make money. I listened to what my mind was telling me to do, but sometimes your mind can mislead and you whined up doing the wrong thing. So nobody else is confused I'll go ahead and tell you the whole story to why I've decided to blog about this particular topic today. First off I live with my aunt, uncle, and 4 cousins who I don't exactly get along with. I come from a place where things need order and freedom, however the order and freedom had to balance each other out. Living with my mom's sister things are not balanced out at all personally I think its because of me. I do a lot of things so much differently then they do that it causes commotion in almost every occasion sometimes we settled it ourselves other times it got real ugly. So I started staying out more often to keep the peace. During school days I went to school, came home did my chore, leave and not come back till around 8, eat, take a shower, then pass out. While I was out I would hang with friends, go to parties, or go on a date. Well soon I started to only go to parties, I got drunk or got high and making unwise decisions that I still do from time to time. Now I'm about to say something that most of you would not agree with, but before you judge me keep reading. I've gotten to the point where I don't need to under the wing of guardians or parent so to speak. My maturity level has gotten so high it fools others into believeing that I'm older then what I tell them. Now yes smoking and drinking isn't mature I'm well aware of that, be that as it may I'm not perfect I'm going to keep drinking and smoking when I the time calls for it realizing this is what helps my maturity stay above the average 17 year old. But anyway before I stray too far I want to live on my own now where I know I'll have at least 50% control of what goes down in my home, not that I'm ungrateful just that I need to get out on my own this would be me listening to both my heart and my mind.

posted from Bloggeroid

Friday, September 30, 2011

Where I'm From

From the city of violence
From smiles and frowns
I'm from they call hell
I'm from the of tall buildings
I'm from the birth place of my dancing inspiration
From the city of poor schools
From the place of lost hopes and dreams
I'm from the area of confused life
I'm from from the loving arms of proud strong mother
I'm from the source of my anger
From the birth of my various fighting styles
From the changing point of my life
From the open doors of warm breezes
From the rumors, and hurt that left scars
I'm from the wickedness, and two-faced clan
I'm from the early pregnancies
I'm from the once proud strong state, and ex-country
I'm from the wishes upon stars
I'm from known place of extremely talented cheerleaders
From the hot dry place
From the confusing life styles, and uncertainty
From the whys, don'ts, and pain
I'm from blood, sweat, and tears
Where are you from

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Who Am I

I can't tell you how many times someone has asked me to tell them about myself. Each time they asked me I looked at them with the most blank look possible,and say I don't know what to tell you. I'm what some people would call a shape shifter, or a copy cat. Its something I've been doing since I was 6years old. I couldn't figure out who I was, but then again I was only 6. But still I wanted to be somebody I wanted to be popular like my brother and sister so I changed my image. I started working out getting buff, because I thought being buff was "in." Then I decided my sister's extremely popular. Why? Because she was um....how do I say glamerous? My mom being a mom asked me why am I copying what my brother and sister. I looked up at my momvand said "I don't know who I am so need a face to put on." When most six year old kids say that its cute but not with my mom. She told me she had given birth to leaders not followers. That meant she was telling me to find my

posted from Bloggeroid

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Where I'm From

From the city of violence
From smiles and frowns
I'm from where they call hell
I'm from the city of tall buildings
I'm from the birth place of my dancing inspiration
From the city of poor schools
From the place of lost hope, and dreams
I'm from the area of confused life
I'm from the loving arms of a proud strong mother
I'm from the source of my anger
From the birth of my various fighting styles
From the changing point of my
From the open doors of warm breezes
From the rumors, and hurt that left scars
I'm from the wickedness, and two-face clan
I'm from the early pregnancies
I'm from the once proud strong state, and ex-country
I'm from the wishes upon stars
I'm from known place of the extremely talented cheerleaders
From the hot dry place
From confusing life styles, and uncertainty.
From the whys, don'ts, and pain
I'm from blood, sweat, and tears
Where are you from

posted from Bloggeroid

Friday, September 23, 2011

Get off The Phone

What annoys you the most? What grinds your gears? What really gets under your skin? Is it when people do something incredibly loud, or when someone is talking, or texting on the phone while walking in the hall or DRIVING? If you chose the second one then trust me you're not alone I hate when people do that its so annoying and nerve recking. I was walking to my group and there was a dude in front of me walking slower then molasses. Now when I walk I walk with a wide stride meaning I walk really fast. It annoys me when I have to walk unnecessarily slow so yeah I started getting irritated. Now I won't just sit there and push through people because its rude, and I would be ready to knock someone out if the did it to me. So what I did was wait until I had just enough space to zoom past him. Though it was only a few seconds until I found the spot it seemed like it was taking forever. But when I got to the spot where I could get around this staggering person I moved as fast as a squirrel would run if it heard a loud sound. As I'm moving around this person I look behind me and what I saw made me extremely angry. He was texting, not only was he texting, but he was texting slower then the average person. I turned away from the angering sight. Almost the exact same thing happen while I was taking my kid Johnah to coral ville mall. I was at least three blocks away from getting on the interstate, but as always there has to be that really ignorant driver who has to drive incredibly slow I'm talking Ms.Daisy slow. I didn't have time to be driving behind this guy who wanted to drive 25mph on 40mph street. So I attempted to drive around him, but when I got next to him he decided to try and speed up. Did it get under my skin? Yes it did when I looked in his car the idot was on his phone talking, then he gave me a dirty look, flipped me the finger, and yelled something out his window. I couldn't hear him because of my music. I rolled my eyes and drove past him, and pulled him infront of him laughing at Johnah because he started doing some type of war cry. So this is to all who like to walk, or drive slow because your faces are glued to your phone. GET OFF THE PHONE!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Its not mutual

"¡Hermano yo tengo una grande problema!" That's the first sentence that came out of my little brothers mouth when he got home. I just happen to be taking a nap till he interrupted me, and of course my first reaction is "¡callate, tú grita a muchas!" I'm guessing he didn't take the hint that I was extremly tired and didn't want to be bothered. He burst in my room and told me he had a serious problem (the dr. tried telling him that years ago.) and of course I just had to ask "¿qué pasa?" He looked at me for a moment and told me about how there was a girl at his school that completely disgusted him, that it made him itch just looking at her. I thought he was being rude at first until he told me the reason why. He asked me what would I do, normally I'd tell him I don't know what to tell you I don't know what that's like. Oh but I just happen to know what to say to him about this particular issue, simply because I have someone that I don't see as a boyfriend but more of friend. I have a friend who likes me, but I don't like him like that for 3 reasons. 1.I just got out of a relationship that ended for all the wrong reasons, 2.I still have feelings for my ex, and 3.I need time to heal. However even then I don't think I would see him as a boyfriend then I think I would just see him as an older brother then. I known this person for like 2weeks now, its been almost a month since my last relationship you do the math. I'm not one to hurt someones feelings and just up and tell them no I don't like you because I'm not like that I'm not a rude person.....until you bring out the rude in me. My friend has told me twice that he's interested in me and I've told him twice I can't be nor can I handle being in a relationship right now. I still haven't told him that I don't see him like that simply because I haven't known him that long and things could change. I take so much caution because I've seen when people get into relationships with people that they don't like, not only that, but I've done it myself in the past. When you do that you feel this thing called "kickback karma" its when you instantly know that something gonna end bad. A lot of people ignore that feeling and just keep going on with the relationship. They're with someone who probably has mad feelings for them, yet the feeling isn't mutual. When you do messed up crap like that, not only can you ruin the friendship, but you also screw up the person emotional process. Meaning they're not going to be that same undercontrol person everybody used to know they're gonna be angry, hurt, and most of all desperate for someone to stop them from hurting which in most cases fails epically. So my advice to my little brother and everyone else out there, let that person know before its too late save yourself and that person the drama just by telling them the truth.

posted from Bloggeroid

Inside Out

Has someone ever told that a team or group runs like a machine, all the pieces need to be in sync doing there job। Otherwise the entire thing falls apart and the team or group is no more. I've never been told that however I've heard it plenty of times on T.V shows. I have this group that had problems to begin with long before I joined it, People came people went it however they always took a piece of the group's memory with them same as any group or team. I joined last year and since then some of the problems have gone away and some still simmer. Now you tell me how I should take this, how should I handle this situation? A sophmore in our group is on the edge of being kicked out because yesterday's issue got out and everyone seems to be coming up to me constantly asking about yesterday. I didn't say anything about it neither did three of my friends, this sophmore claims she said nothing, but she;s the only one who's been known to decieve people in the group. I don't know wether or not I should keep her in the group or just go ahead and kick her out. I had already told her this group has enough problems with the crap everyone else says about us, we don't need any more problems especially when we're having problems getting rid of our current problems. If you cannot keep your mouth shut about our business then you need to find somewhere else to hang out and not talk to me nor anyone in this group. I wouldn't give her chance to speak I was so heated I culdn't believe this was happening for a second time a deciever in our group once more trying to climb her way up the popularity ladder. Time went on and I get pulled in the counsler's office because she fiured if she talks to me one-on-one then she could give me crocodile tears and I would just tell everybody to stay off her back. Think again I told her first things first whipe away the tears they don't work on me nor will they ever. She told me that only people that she told were her parent, but one of her friends were on the phone and heard EVERYTHING so whoever that was told someone and viola you have our business out and around spreading like a forest fire. Reguardless of wether she told people or not she let it happen she let someone else hear about what happen. So now I'm stuck with the decision between kicking her out and letting her stay. I'm really not sure what I should do its not an easy decision, but its simple. Our group is being ridiculed from the inside out.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Slow Down

Have you ever met someone who thinks that just because they're a certain age they can do anything when they really can't, in fact they could get in trouble for a lot of trouble for half the crap they do? What do you tell someone like that, how do you explain to them they're only a certain age? These are the questions my little brother ask me everyday and everyday I wouldn't know what to tell him because his friends aren't mine. Until today....things hit the ceiling. I like to look at situations like fires. You have the flamable object or substance, the spark, and then you just wait for things to start, now this can be used for good or bad things. In this case it was pretty bad. I have a friend...well ex-friend who did something incredibly stupid, there's the spark pay close attention cause here's where it gets incredibly unwise. I have three other friends who took her up on her "offer" there's the flammable objects. I bet you're thinkning things are gonna explode, bhut they're not....at least not yet. I got increasingly aggrevated over time no thanks to unpredictable mood swing. I was offered to come with and I went, there's an extra flammable object. As me and three of my friends are sitting at our what we thought to be discreet location e sitting there shortening our lives. Guess what happened BOOM everything exploded. A cop along with a helping security guard approached us with a claim that they had been sitting there watching us the entire time. We admitted to our doing, however only two of us were released. Yes we were in a uncontrollable fire at the time, the other two stayed behind for further consequences. Was I scared....well if you count vigorous shaking then yeah I was scared. Long story short we did something stupid and got caught half of us got away unscaved the other half took a huge blow. Lesson don't take up offers that you second guess and worry you. So lil bro tell your friends slow down they are not grown if they continue doing what they're doing then karma will get them harder then expected. As for me I now know what to do in situations like the today.

Friday, September 16, 2011

Caring isn't Sharing

Having a roommate is not the greatest thing in the world. I mean it has its ups and everything, but don't you get tired of cleaning up after people that are old enough to do it theirselves? I know I do, see what I think is starting to happen is people are beginning to take this whole "sharing is caring" thia little too far. Yes I care about you yes I will take care of you whatever way I can, but that doesn't mean I will clean up after you nor does it mean I clean up all day and you just come home and mess everything up. Sorry I care about you, but not that much nor will I ever. If your legs arms hands and feet work you can clean up after yourself. Don't you also hate it when you have to sit there and constantly remind your roommate to do something they said they'd do. I should not have to remind you everyday to clean the bathroom gather your laundry no that's not how things work. Sharing is caring, however he'll hath no fury like a puerto rican scorned. I'm mother nature this apartment is my Earth and you're that erogant dummy who throws your trash all over my Earth. All I'm asking for is for you to do your part in this whole charade.

posted from Bloggeroid

Gift or Ability

What's is something unique about? Something you know people either can't do or woulsdn't dream of doing? Like me I can bend like no other and constantly advancing to the next level of flexibility it never ends and it rocks. Now here's the twist is your special thing a gift or an ability? Now I know you're thinking whats the difference? Some might even say there isn't one, however if you really think about it there is. In my opinion there is, see a gift is something your born with in a way. You're always progressing to the next to the next level always evolving. An abilty is something you train to have. You can gain or lose an abilty. For example being incredibly strong is an ability. You may think its a gift because you're born with strength, however you have to constantly train to progress in your strength and if you start and after a period of time stop then you will eventually lose your strength. My gift has brought me through a lot from being in gymnastics, dancing, and now cheer leading. Its crazy actually when you think about it. You know when you were little you'd sit there watching T.V watching your favorite show. Maybe you're watching a new series. I'm pretty sure we've all wanted to be super heros with super powers, and just thought to yourself I want super powers. When in reality you do have powers just not like superman, or the human torch. My flexibilty has saved me and others plenty of times. I was playing kickball and the pitcher rolled the ball my way. My best friend was on second base waiting for the kick so yeah I had pressure. When I kicked that ball you better believe I was gone faster then you could "where'd". Of course the minute my friend saw me running he took off. Sadly the other team's hustling ethics were a smidge better then ours so they goit that ball pretty quick. They threw the ball at me why because I was the little person on my team. To add on to it there was a another infielder behind me. If I get hit that infielder behind me is gonna catch the ball and tag my friend. Instantly I dropped into the splits and caused the infielder to get blasted in the face by the ball and me to third base, and yes I ran to third that fast. Why? Because my momentum was at its peak. Everyone was screaming and cheering and it got me going. Their cheer was the nitrous to my body. Had I gotten hit then me and my friend would've gotten hit, got out, and cost our team the game. Your gift or abilities get you far in life just take the time to look a within yourself. I'm singing out see ya hope this helps you out in the future hasta lluego!

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Music Memory

Question, what does music do to you when you're in your place? Some might say it calms you but, is the music calming them down or is it the memory they're going through calming them? Me personally it sends me on a crazy trip down memory lane. For example when I listen to The way that I love you by Ashanti, it reminds me of when I stayed with my sister for awhile and we were in the car singing with the windows down and next thing you know the song was over and the people in the cars next us were clapping. I felt really good about how high I could sing, not many guys can sing that high without cracking, but I did and I did a good job to. Bottom line is sometimes its not the music that calms us, but the memory we're going through while the songs playing hence the title Music Memory. Music is basically poetry with melody...well at least it is to me. I walk around my neighborhood listening to my ipod and what am I doing? Going down memory lane according to the the song that was on. My body was pretty much on auto-pilot mentally I set my destination and course, once I started walking and playing my music my body went on auto-pilot while my mind went down memory lane. I use to hate music and now look what it does it sends me on a relaxing trip down memory lane everytime it's almost like going on a field trip. I really think that some people should try and go down music memory lane it can be so much fun and it can also turn whatever emotion you're feeling into happiness it has for me and I'm pretty sure it others brodened their mind then it would do the same for them as well. I'm signing out see ya hope this helps you the future hasta lluego!